"For it is by faith you have been saved... not by works, so that no one can boast"
Ephesians 2:8,9

Love it!

The "Real" Me

I feel like i am nothing without you Lord. I don't know how to have confidence in myself when the only good things I do come from you. How do I hold my head up knowing that I am nothing but a big phoney without you? I feel like I am only amazing some of the time and the rest of the time I'm just wasting time and space... nothing special. But I truly don't believe that it is your plan for me that I think these things about myself. I know that you love me, so then why does no one in the world love me in the way that you do? I need you here now! I am so lonely here Lord. I know that you have and will continue to use me to touch those I encounter here, but Lord sometimes I just want you. I am tired of having a broken heart all the time... tired of putting on false confidence and trying to look like I have it all together. I'm tired of trying to make myself the perfect employee, the perfect student, the perfect girl... tired of trying to be perfect! But most of all, I'm tired of falling short. I'm tired of trying and falling on my face. I'm tired of getting a couple of steps ahead only to fall a hundred steps back. I'm tired of trying. I want to love and be loved. I don't want any rules or games or expectations or labels... just love. Love that doesn't judge and love that has patience and love that grows. I want to live in that place where "Beautiful" means nothing. Where Perfect doesn't exist. Where people aren't better or worse... they're just people. Where I don't have to lose a couple of pounds or be less klingy or say please and thankyou... or wear certain clothes or say all the right things, or not cry when my feelings are hurt... a place where I don't have to put on a brave face or be sarcastic to hide how sensitive I am. I don't want to live in a place where I am constantly compared to someone else. Being compared to someone else is honestly the one thing in this world that when it happens I can actually feel parts of me dying. It has become something that I now do to myself almost in second nature. But that doesn't make it hurt any less. The pain of not measuring up is something that I have always felt in a very real and hurtful way. Maybe the reason I can feel something dying when Comparison happens is because parts of me actually do die, because when I compare myself with others I'm really saying that I want to change something about me and make it like someone else. Therefore with every wish to be different or envy of what another has (or seems to have) I am letting go of the things that make me, me. The things that God put there specifically in me. I am throwing out the blueprint that God used to make me to become a counterfeit of someone else. And everyone wants the real thing, No one wants a fake. I need to chose to love the real thing... the real me. I need to want to be me... the real me. I need to not feel cheated by being the real me, so that I won't feel like other people are being cheated by knowing the real me. I need to know that I am made for a reason in my father's likeness. To know that I am not a waste. I need to know that. Not because of anything I have achieved or because someone gives me their stamp of approval, but because I know that no matter what, I am His...

Out of This World

As I sat doing my devotions today a song came on the radio. It was by Keith Urban. It was a love song. I'm sure it was written as a song for a romantic couple. But as I listened a little closer to the words my mind began to wander.

You are always in my heart
Always on my mind
When it all becomes too much
You're never far behind
And there's no one who comes close to you
Could ever take your place
Cause only you could love me that way.

As I listened to these words I realised that this is the way we as saved Christians should be loving each other. I know that for me personally I do not love people like that on a daily basis. I don't hate anyone really, but I for sure don't feel that if I was in heaven with a lot of the people in my church and community that I would feel an undying love and bond with all of them.
When God says that we are all one body with different functional parts, I think that most of us focus more on our different functions than on the fact that we are all one body. We truly can't cut off our limbs and say "I don't need you". I think that all of us at one point or another are guilty of cutting someone off and I'm sure a lot of us have felt the pain of being the one who has been cut off.
I want to write to you from a place that is wonderful. A place that doesn't know earthly standards. From a frame of mind where the labels that have been placed on you do not exist and therefore mean nothing.
I need you more than you could ever know. You are always in my heart, always on my mind. I need your love and support and specific talents to help me make it through this life. I cannot imagine living this life on my own. I've tried it and it doesn't work. No matter how many differences we may have, you are still the one I love the most. Only you can love me the way you do. I wouldn't be able to replace you. You are unique. I need you in my life. I need you by my side. I can't imagine heaven being a wonderful place without you being there. You are beautiful and you are what is going to make heaven beautiful. The only way that I am going to be the amazing bride that Jesus deserves when he comes back is if you are standing there waiting with me. I cannot function without you.
With all of that being said, I take full responsibility for your fulfillment in life. I promise to find my function in this body and do it with all my heart. I promise to trust you. I promise to lean on you and include you in my life. I promise to never withhold a compliment or praise from you. I promise to encourage you and to deal quickly with any misunderstandings we may have.
Most of all I promise to love you. We need to love each other as much as Christ has loved us, because there will be no fooling him when he returns. He will know if we have been loving each other or not. The only way that we will be a spotless bride is if we throw out our labels and standards and the things that separate and alienate us. We must become one. And there is no one that I would rather join together with than you.
Another line of that song is "When I say that it's forever, you understand". I thank God for giving me you... and that we will be together forever. Praise God!!

Love Lesson

"Love never dies a Natural Death. It dies because we don't know how to replenish it's source."
~ Anais Nin

How can a single person find someone who we know that, no matter how short or long their relationship is, they will always find a way to replenish it's source? How do two people know that their love will never die?
Is the source of their love for each other found in each other or is there a third party source?
A third party source seems to me to be the only way that a marriage would not implode on its self. Without it, it seems that the two lovers would be putting too much pressure on each other.
Love is too powerful and unpredictable for any human to control on his or her own. There needs to be God, a third party, who knows love, inside and out, for two lovers to be able to enjoy the wonderful pleasures of love and minimize the unbearable pressures of it.

Becoming Deserving

Jesus,
You are an amazing being. So selfless. It is almost unthinkable that you would be so selfless in spite of me.

- My selflessness has nothing to do with you and it has no barrings on weather or not you reciprocate. I cannot change who I am and would not if I could. It is my pleasure to love you. My pleasure to forgive you and love you despite the fact that you are undeserving. It gives me the greatest pleasure of all to adopt you as my daughter. To make you deserving of my love, no matter what you do.
So now, just as I cannot change who I am, you can no sooner change who you are. You are my daughter and therefore have become deserving.